7. This Is Why You Can't Talk About Your Offers On Camera

Even that woman you put on a pedestal has Wanky Thoughts 

Yes, even that woman making millions, smashing it on Instagram and who speaks at every event you go to. 

I know this, because if she's human, she'll have Wanky Thoughts... it's part of life. 

In this episode I explain where my own Wanky Thoughts came from so you can start to identify your own story. 

Because once you do that, you can start to change these Wanky Thoughts, feel more confident and show up and sell like a pro. 

If you want to sign up to the next Wanky Thoughts Coaching Experience, Message me at helen@helenwalkercoaching.com 

Can't wait to hear from you!  

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Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Hello and welcome to another episode of the Wanky Thoughts podcast. Now, today I am quite excited. Don't take much to get me excited, but this does. I'm gonna talk about my story and where my wanky thoughts have come from. Because I think it's really useful, and every time I tell this story, this is part of like any if I ever do any public speaking or do a keynote or do any like guest expert stuff. I always include this story, and everyone always says, Oh my god, this totally resonates and almost helps you to see where your own wanky thoughts come from. So I have a deep-rooted belief that I am not as good as everybody else. I am not um as intelligent, I'm not as pretty, I'm not as funny, I'm not as um articulate, I'm just not as intelligent or as good as everybody else. Now, this belief I'm well aware that I have this, I call it faulty wiring. So if you imagine in your head there's what I call a supercomputer, and this supercomputer is really really useful because it stores all of your um things that you do on and uh as a habit. So, for example, when you get up in the morning, you don't need to think about right, I've got to brush my teeth and where's my toothbrush and what do I do with a toothpaste. It's all so automatic, it's in that supercomputer and it's stored as a like automatic um thing you're gonna do. Automatic. I'm having a menopause day, I can't remember my words, but just as an autopilot, so you get up, you don't need to think about it. It's like driving. If you've ever driven or you've got a route that um like the school pickup, you don't ever have to think about I've gotta turn left, I've got to put my indicator on, it's so automatic, and sometimes you get there and you think, Christ, like I can't even remember driving here, I can't even remember anything I saw. And that's the supercomputer working perfectly because imagine if your mind had to think and compute everything that happened. I mean, your brain would just explode. So your mind's really good at creating shortcuts. Now it does it does that with um you know, like logistical things, getting places and doing stuff, but what it also does is store thinking habits and patterns of thinking. So it your brain doesn't have to think every time it's presented with a situation, it doesn't have to think about what we should do. What it does is it looks in the supercomputer and it goes, Well, what did we do last time? How did we respond last time? What did we think? How did we feel? and it just regurgitates what's always tap always happened. So if you think about um going live is a really good example. So if you keep putting off going live and talking about your offers and selling and all that jazz, your brain learns that this is something to be scared of, something to avoid, because every time you think about it, you get a little bit anxious and you get a little bit scared and whatnot, and um you avoid it. So rather than your brain having to think, oh, here she goes again, she's getting a camera out. What should I or how should I respond? It responds in the way that you've taught it. So every other time you've done that, you've avoided it, or um you might have done it and it's gone terribly wrong, or you forgot your words, or whatever you just felt a tit afterwards. It remembers all of that. So, as like a protection system, it goes, Well, let's not do it again then, because we know that it makes you feel anxious. So, your mind, really clever, will come up with all of these excuses, they're all programmed in this supercomputer. Oh, we'll do it tomorrow, or you know, probably no one's gonna be listening today, or we'll do it tomorrow when my hair's I'll blow dry my hair tomorrow, I'll put some makeup on, we'll do it then, and it'll give you all of these excuses, and then this just reinforces in that supercomputer that actually we don't do videos and we don't talk about our offers, um, and it's something to be avoided. So, in my supercomputer, there is this, like I say, this belief that I'm not as good as everybody else. Now, I'm aware that this is in there now. Some of these beliefs, unfortunately, are just so came at such a young age or with such emotional intensity that they are like lodged in, let's let's call it lodged in, the faulty wire, and we just can't really fix it. So, uh, like I say, this belief that I'm not as good as everybody else. So, if I do a launch, uh, every time I go to record a podcast, every time I go to do a live video, this thought of you're not good enough pops up. So the other week I created this um quiz, a free quiz about what's stopping you selling. Now I knew full well when I went to launch this quiz, this old belief system would pop up because my it really is just my supercomputer working perfectly. That's the but that's the beliefs that have been in there for years that I'm not as good as everybody else. So it's doing its job, it's going, hang on, are you sure you want to put this new quiz out there? Because it's probably crap, and you're not as good as everybody else. Now I'm also aware, because I've put some new programming in that computer, that that belief will always pop up, but it's not a belief that I need to really pay attention to. I know it's there, but it's not true. So most of the thoughts that we have are not actually based on any facts, they're not based on any truth. A lot of these are just based on emotions of how we felt at that particular time. So I always then have to question well, is it true that I'm not as good as everybody else? Is it true that I have to work harder than everybody else? Is it true that I'm absolutely crap? Is it true that I'm, you know, an ugly duckling? Is it true that I'm boring as dishwater? Is it true that I've got no personality? Now, some people may say yes to all of those things, um, but I've got to remind myself that for me that's not true, right? Just because my brain says that, just because what's in that supercomputer, this out-of-date information says that doesn't mean it's true. So, like I say, every time I do something, launch podcast or whatever, it pops up. Now, my job is to go, well, okay, I need to manage that then. I need to go, well, that's not true, so what is true? Now, what's important is there's only really two steps to sorting out these wanky thoughts, and how you sort them out is mega easy. In fact, the tools and the strategies that I teach my clients are the same tools and strategies that I have taught my six-year-old. Now, I started teaching him this stuff when he was four about how to manage your mind and your thoughts and what to believe and what not to believe, and basically how to build his self-esteem and how to make him feel good about himself and not buy into this stuff that whirls round in our head. So, you know, if he can get them at four, and I was flabbergasted when I started teaching them at four, I was like, There's no way he's gonna get this at four. Oh my god. First time I told him, he was like, you know, regurgitating it back to me. I was like, oh my god, he understands it. So this stuff is not rocket science, it just requires um some conscious effort and being aware of them, and because you've got this supercomputer, your brain tends to take over and railroads you into you know be believing that all this crap is true, which is why I work with clients because my job is to really like suppose act like a mirror and point out like you're listening to that crap again. Because we don't, these thoughts and this supercomputer is so powerful, we believe it, we buy into you know, I believe believed for a long time that yeah, of course everybody else is better than me, of course everyone else is gonna charge more than me, of course other people are gonna get picked over me. Like in my heart, in my core, I genuinely believe this rubbish. So, um two steps to sorting out your wanky thoughts, and when you sort out your wanky thoughts, uh you know, you will get better at sales, yes, you will get better at um being visible and public speaking and all of that, but and I don't say this lightly, your entire life will change, everything will get easier because you won't be clogged up with all of this crap that goes on in your mind, all of these will people buy and am I good enough? And is does she like me? And all this stuff that just you know it never stops, you'll be able to manage all of that. So, yes, you'll make more money, yes, you'll get more clients, you'll make more sales, and everything will feel easier, but life will feel easier. So, there's two steps to sorting that out. First of all, is to spot the story. So, what is it that you're telling yourself that is in that supercomputer? Because remember, that supercomputer is way stronger than you. And when I say you, what I mean is, you know, they talk about this prefrontal cortex, this executive centre of your brain, where you know it's responsible for thinking and logic, and rather than reacting, you'll think about stuff rather than just getting emotional about it. That part, the the computer system, which is you know emotional and all this out-of-date stuff, there's a lot of good stuff in there, but there's a lot of crap in there as well. Unfortunately, that computer is 20 times stronger than you, the rational prefrontal cortex executive functioning part of your brain. So we've really got to make sure that what's in that computer is there's some really good autopilots, some really good programs and systems that catch this out-of-date thinking. Now, some of the stuff we can get rid of, we can wipe it from the um computer system, it's called neuroplasticity. Some of the stuff it's in there, you know, we're gonna be hard pushed to get rid of it, and it's more effort to try and get rid of it than it is to manage it. So some we get rid of, and some we just learn to manage. For me, the belief that I'm not good enough, it's just easier to manage than to get rid of. So I've got tools and strategies to manage it, and and tools and strategies to eliminate stuff, and tools and strategies to manage it. So, two things to get rid of the wanky thoughts. First one is spot what that story is. My story is I'm not as good as everybody else, and I have to work harder than everybody else. And then step two is put some new beliefs in there, some new strategies, and have tools to be able to spot and deal with it. Now, um I've gone off on a bit of a tangent there because what I wanted to tell you was my story and about where these beliefs come from. Like, why has my computer system got this belief that I'm not as good as everybody else? But then you'll speak to somebody else and they'll be like, no, that's not that's not an issue at at all for me. So, why have I got that? So, let me tell you a quick story, and then you'll hopefully what it'll do is get you thinking about your own experiences and your own stories. So, when I was about seven, um when I was at school, I was gonna say I wasn't very good at maths, but actually that's old programming. It wasn't that I was very it wasn't that I wasn't good at maths, it's just that I was average at maths. But I mean, let's face it, I was seven years old. And my dad, in his computer, his belief system was that if you couldn't add up and do mental arithmetic at the speed of lightning, then you were gonna amount to nothing. You know, you had to be able to add up because he always used to say you'll never have a calculator in your pocket and all that jazz, proving him wrong on that one. Um, but yeah, you've got to you've got to be able to add up and you know you've got to be good at numbers. Now he was a maths, well still is a maths genius. Give him any sequence of numbers, you know, divide this times by that, whatever, and he will just add it up in a matter of seconds. Like it is mind-blowing the speed that his brain works at when numbers are concerned. Now, unfortunately, my brain does not work like that. I'm more of a um well, I'm less attention to detail, I'm more fly by the C pants, I'm way more creative than my dad. You know, I've got different skills to my dad. But accuracy and proofreading and numbers, it ain't my thing. Bores me to tears. Anyway, my dad was a bit concerned. So, as any loving parent would do, when it came to Parents' Evening, went into school and said, Look, can Helen have some extra homework and I'll do some maths with her on an evening. So, of course the teacher was like, Yeah, no problem, I'll sort it. So, next day went in, and I remember this day. Oh my gosh, so vividly. I remember it was a it was baking hot. I remember where I was sat, I remember who was sat around me, I remember what we were doing, I even like remember the smell and the feeling of the classroom. Can picture it now, and um opposite me was the bane of my life, a uh a guy called Thomas Driffield, right? And I want a fan, but all the girls fancied him, God knows why, and all the boys loved him because he was dead good at football, so they all wanted to play with him at playtime, and if they thought it were God's gift to our bloody classroom. Anyway, he's sat opposite me, um, wearing tartan trousers. I remember it vividly. So, anyway, we're getting on with our work, and all of a sudden, I hear my name called out Helen Walker. So, of course I turn round, but the whole class turns round, like what's Helen Walker getting? As as you would. And I remember it vividly. My teacher picked up this book and she tapped on it three times, she like banged on it, and she said, Helen Walker, you, and I will not forget the words, you, you need to take this um textbook home with you because you it just felt like every word was you. You need to do some extra maths homework. Now, looking around, nobody else was being called out for being crap at maths, just me. Nobody else had extra maths homework, nobody else was getting this textbook. So at that moment, I felt like the biggest loser in the world. I just wanted the ground to swallow me up. Now remember, when you are seven, you know, the most important people around you are your mates, right? So here I am being singled out in front of the most important people in my life at that point. You know, these people's opinion as a seven-year-old, I massively respect because I want to be in the gang, I do not want to be on the edges. So they're all looking, and then Thomas Striffield. Now remember back in 1987, he was god, he was god in my classroom. He started to laugh. He was literally laughing in my face. Now, when I get embarrassed, still to this day, my face goes the most ridiculous shade of purple, right? It's just ridiculous the colour that I go. So, of course, I'm feeling embarrassed. Thomas Driffield starts laughing. I go Beetroot red. Well, Thomas Driffield, why he was laughing wearing those god-awful tartan trousers, I do not know. But as he's laughing, he goes, Oh my god, beetroot face, and he points at me, and everybody else starts laughing. Now, of course, I mean, bless them, some of them didn't even know what they were laughing at, some of them didn't even know what were going on. But because Thomas Driffield, aka God, is laughing, they all want to be in his group, they all want to be in with the cool kids, they don't want to be siding with me, the bloody dunts, the loser, the idiot, the thicko. So they all start laughing. So the entire class is now laughing at me. Now, from that moment, a belief went into my computer system as an absolute fact. Not a well, who's Thomas Driffield to laugh? He's wearing tartan trousers, how dare he! And these people don't even know what they're laughing at, and my dad, bless him, just wants the best for me. None of that reasoning went in, just the belief that I am stupid, I'm thick, I'm not as good as everybody else. Clearly, I need to work harder than everybody else because no other bugger is getting any maths homework. So that then followed me around in my supercomputer for a lifetime. Now, of course, at that age, I had no idea about a supercomputer, I had no about no idea about wanky thoughts and all these beliefs that we have. So, this followed me around my entire, you know, teen years, my twenties, my early career. So, when I first started work, I've always worked in sales. I was one of the top salespeople in my organisation. I made so much money for that organisation. I won holidays, I won handbags, I won massive things of champagne, all because I was so good at my job, like made so much money, I was brilliant at sales. But did I ever ask for a pay rise? Did I ever ask for a promotion? Did I ever question my bonus or did I just take it, you know, oh thank you very much. Even though other people who were making less money than me got bigger bonuses than me, did I ever question it? No, because that belief system in my supercomputer was well, of course you're gonna get a less bonus. There's no way you're gonna get a promotion because you're not as good as everybody else. No, I didn't know that this was running my life because all of this is happening in the background. It doesn't, your brain doesn't go, oh, do you realise that you're not uh quibbling about your bonus because of this belief? It's not that sophisticated, it just tries to keep you away from any future harm or embarrassment when it came to uh starting my own business. I looked around, what's everyone else charging? Now I didn't look at the big hitters because they weren't even in my vision, you know, the people who were charging thousands didn't even compare myself to them, but I looked around everybody. I thought, well, they're probably my level, and what are they charging? Well, they're charging 50 quid an hour, right? Well, I'll charge 45 because I couldn't possibly charge as much as they're charging because I'm not as good. So this is this hopefully what this has done by me sharing this story is made you start to question well, what is in my computer? Because it is this, this is the reason why you are staying in your comfort zone. That supercomputer is not allowing you to step out of it. So things outside your comfort zone might be things like public speaking. Well, of course, that's going to help you grow your audience, you're gonna get in front of more people, grow your brand, grow awareness. It might be stopping you pitching for podcasts again, help you in the same way. Might be uh stopping you doing videos, talking about your offers. You might be talking about your offers, but you might just be hinting at the fact rather than like hitting around the head with like a wet fish with your offer and going, This is what it is, this is how much it is, this is why you should join. You're probably just being a bit timid and hinting that you've got this offer, or just hoping that they check out your website. So you haven't got a sales problem, you haven't got a visibility problem, you haven't got a strategy problem, you haven't got a public speaking problem. What you have got is like most people in the world, 99% of people, and pretty much all women, um, is a wanky thoughts problem. Your your supercomputer is full of outdated guff, outdated wanky thoughts that are running your life on autopilot. And you'll know this because you know you'll think, well, you've done all the courses. I know you've done all the courses. You're like me, you've you've paid loads of money for all these courses, teacher, to sell and be visible and make videos and do launches and all this stuff, but you're still not doing what they're telling you to do, and you have this argument in your head, and you're like, but I know what to do, but I just can't seem to do it, or you make excuses well, it won't work for me, and you know, people are just not buying, and I'm just not selling in the right way, and I'm just not talking about the right stuff. And it is none of those things, none of those things, it is because you have a supercomputer which is basically your survival. System stopping you from stepping out that comfort zone because it knows we've we've taught it over the years by what we've said to it, by what other people have said to it, the experiences that we've had, that doing stuff outside our comfort zone is gonna cause us some discomfort. Now it's not gonna kill us, you know, when we talk about survival, but that system doesn't want you feeling bad, it doesn't want you know coming to any emotional harm, it doesn't want you to be upset or embarrassed. So it goes, well, I'll tell you what, I'll just make you feel really anxious, really nervous, and I'll give you a load of excuses, and that'll make you stay in your comfort zone. So if you want to get better at selling, you want to get better at podcasts or public speaking or um you know anything to do with your business, if you want to feel more confident, then you've got to do this two-step process. You've got to go, well, what's in my computer? What stories are running my life on autopilot? Now you might think you haven't got them. Everybody has got them, even people who you admire, that you've put on a pedestal, that are doing amazing, that's smashing it out of the park, that are making millions. Everybody has these stories. Some people are just better at managing than the mothers. So the first step is you've got to identify, well, what am I telling myself? What is this old story that needs changing? And then step two is to learn how to manage those manage those ones that are stuck in there and how to eliminate the ones that we can take out. And it's mega easy. So if you are if you are sat there thinking, I've done all the courses, I know what to do, I just need to do it, that's your answer. That's why you're not doing it. Now, if you are sat there nodding along going, oh my god, this is me, I do have something for you, and it's free. So every month I run a coaching session. Now I only do it for five people, so there is a bit of a waiting list for it. Um, but each month I coach people on those that two-step process, so I'll help them spot that story and then teach them the tools and the strategies to be able to manage them. Now remember, these are tools and strategies that I taught a four-year-old that picked it up within a day. So this is not hard. The hard bit is just being consistent and doing it daily and being consciously aware that these thoughts are affecting you. So if you would like to come along and do one of those sessions, be one of those five women, then um all you've got to do is message me, right? I'm gonna put some contact details in the show notes. That's the technical term, isn't it? Put it in the show notes, put my email address in there. I mean, you can find me on social media, I'm on uh I'm on LinkedIn, Helen Walker. You'll see me because I've got a big banner that says wanky thoughts, you can't miss me. And I'm on Instagram and it's this is Helen Walker. If you just put um that at sign, this is Helen Walker. Again, it's pink, it's wanky, it's all you'll see wanky thoughts everywhere, you can't miss me. You can message me on there, or you can email me, and I'll put my email address in the show notes. But I'd love to see you, um, and they're dead good fun, they're they're not like serious. This is not, I'm not gonna kill you with slides. There's no slides. This is just pure coaching, and they're absolutely fantastic, and I flipping love doing them. So hopefully you'll come along. Um, anything else I need to tell you? Um, I don't think so. Uh I'll see you next week. I hope you've enjoyed that. I I love telling this story. I'll see you next week.