4. You'll never feel ready to do the thing that scares you!

I'm not ready is the sentence that's robbed the dreams of more women than I've had hot dinners. 

Despite years of experience, loads of testimonials and positive client feedback, Women worldwide are telling themselves they're not ready. 

The truth is, nobody ever feels ready... the brave ones just take action anyhow. 

That's what this episode of Wanky Thoughts is all about! 

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Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Hello and welcome to another episode of the Wanky Thoughts podcast. Now, this is going to be a short one, uh, purely because my phone is out of battery and for some reason I can't charge it up in the car. So um today my episode is inspired by my friend Jen. So Jen is uh you describe her as a high flyer in the corporate world. She's had really senior jobs, loads of experience, really knows her chisel, right, when it comes to um what she does. And um basically she got made redundant, right? And like a lot of women, she's got a family, and really the corporate world is not designed, is it, for people with kids? Um, because you've got to go and do stupid hours and you've got to be in an office and tied to a desk and all that rubbish. So it made her think, well, actually, why don't I just do something by myself? Like, why don't I turn all these skills and offer um, you know, coaching and mentoring and um like an advisor to CEOs and stuff. So, anyway, that's what she's done. And she secured a first client, done amazingly, uh, and she's got a uh first call on Friday, and we're just mess messaging back and forth, and uh she just said, Oh, I'm I'm getting you know, I'm excited, but I'm getting nervous because I don't feel ready, right? And this is a classic. I've I've struggled with this as well. Don't feel ready. Now, let's just examine this logically. So this lady, brilliant at what she does, worked for like amazing organisations, well renowned, top of a game, for I don't know how many years, but let's say more than 10-15 years, like it's probably more than that. But yet she still doesn't feel ready. Now I also spoke to somebody else the other day, which was very interesting, where she said her company would charge her out to their clients at eye watering amounts. I mean, like, you know, 10, 20 plus thousand pounds for a day, right? And then when we looked at her pricing, she was charging like £300, £350. And um, I said, What would you like? You know, what would you like to do? And she said, Well, I'd like to charge a bit closer to what the company used to um charge me out at. And I said, Well, why don't you then? Because you are the you were the product, you were the person going and delivering it, and she said the same. Oh, I don't feel ready to charge um that much. I don't feel um uh you know, I don't I well, I don't feel ready. And I resonate with this a lot because I have to catch myself because uh I mean where did this idea come from that we needed to be ready, that we had to have everything in place or we had to have the most experience and had to have everything figured out before we were ready. And there's there's two things to I suppose reflect on here. One is a lot of us are telling ourselves that we're not ready when we are more than ready, and we've got experience coming out of our ears, and this is a classic wanky thought that as soon as you take yourself out of the corporate world where you know that supercomputer in your head that runs your life on an autopilot and kind of you know decides things for you, it's built up a safety net in the corporate world of it's okay because my it's not me charging that or it's not me saying I'm can do all these things, it's somebody else, and then I just go and deliver. I think when it comes to your business, that supercomputer then goes, oh my god, like this feels really uncomfortable because it's not it's not a normal situation, you you're you're not your mind is not used to it, and this is why we then have these wanky thoughts that well we should be ready. But if you think about how civilized civilized civilization began, I mean can you imagine if they'd have waited till they were ready to start civilization? I mean, God. But when time began, you know, the men would go out and hunt, and then women would stay and tend camp and look after the kids and cook. Now can you imagine if um, you know, the the bloke was like, well, we really need to be taking little Johnny out to learn to hunt, because if he doesn't learn these skills, he will surely die. Um so they're they're life skills that you know he needs to know. But we shan't take him today because he's not quite ready. That's not how they operated. They would be like, Johnny, you can walk, you're alright, you're coming out with dad, and I'm gonna teach you to hunt. And I'm sure there were, you know, some hair-raising experiences where it didn't almost quite work out, and you know, it were life and death. Um, but he learned. He learned on the job. It's the same with those that would stay back in camp, the the women, um, you know, and make dinner. You know, they didn't sit there going, do you know what? I know I need to cook for the the the camp and the blokes that have just gone out and used all their energy catching a buffalo, but I'm not quite a gourmet chef yet. I'm not Gordon Ramsay's level. Um I'm not quite ready. So I'll wait if you don't mind before I start um dabbling with the food. They just learn as they went on. And you think about things a bit closer to uh closer in time. Walking is a classic example I give for many scenarios. There's no kid goes, Oh, I don't think I'm quite ready for walking. I don't think um I've got what it takes. I don't think I'm quite there yet. I'll I'll tell you what, I'll read about it a bit more. I'll uh I'll get another qualification in walking, uh read a few more books, watch a few more YouTubes, download uh download some freebies about how to walk. No. Of course it's a j of course you didn't, like nobody does this, of course. But what you did do is you got up and you walked across the room, walked across the kitchen, and you fell on your ass multiple times, probably faceplanted a few times, uh, probably hurt yourself a few times, but you did not wait to be ready. Have you ever tried to stop a toddler from walking? You know when they get to that age where you're like, oh my god, you think it's hard being when they're newborn, then they get to toddler stage and you're like, oh my god, will they just sit still? They will not sit still, they do not wait for permission, they do not wait to be ready, they do not wait for anything. They will just go and do what the heck they like. They'll be in your cupboards, they'll be pulling all the stuff out. They do not care. Do you know why? Do you know why they do not wait to be ready? Because they haven't had a lifetime of society giving them wanky thoughts about you've got to be ready and you've got to be at this level, and if you make a mistake, then you're gonna look a knobhead, and if you fail, then that's something that you shouldn't do, and failure should be avoided, and you're not good enough, and nobody likes you, and all this stuff, all this wanky stuff that goes in our head. So I talk about this supercomputer that is in your head, so just imagine part of your mind that is like a computer. So everything that happens to you when you're born, it's blank, which is why you just get up and walk and you don't care. There's no wanky thoughts in there because the computer hard drive is blank, right? But then over time, what happens is you go to school and somebody leaves you out and they don't want to play with you because you haven't got the right hair platin, hairdo, and you haven't got the right hair bubble and you d your trainers don't look right, and you put your hand up in uh maths and you get the computer get the can't speak. You put your hand up in maths and you answer the question, but you get it all wrong. Or uh these are all examples of things that have happened to me. You answer, but then you say everything asked about front. Um or you go up to your teacher and you go, Mum, and she goes, I'm not your mum, I'm your teacher, and you feel all embarrassed. All of these feelings, all of these experiences, and how you feel go into that computer. Now, unfortunately, when this computer is maturing, you are very young. Um, you know, you are three years old upwards, and we then start feeling experiencing these emotions, and it's really depends on like how you know if that emotion was really intense, and you when when my when I called my teacher mum, I mean she laughed, she probably thought, oh how lovely, how how but I went bright red and I was like, what a knob head! I can't believe I've just done that. She must think I'm stupid because I love this teacher so much. It's probably why I called her mum. Um, but in in subconsciously, because I felt so embarrassed, that computer's going, right? Well, let's not speak out anymore because uh you just end up being a knob. And then it searches for more evidence to back up the fact that you're a bit of a knob and you're a bit stupid and you're not very clever, and it all goes into that computer. And then unfortunately, this computer that is full, it is jam-packed full of wanky thoughts, unfortunately, then runs your life on autopilot. Now we think as humans that we're very clever and we analyse each situation and we make decisions and um you know uh take each situation on its own merit and and and make decisions based on logic. We do not make decisions based on logic, far from it. What we do is this computer pipes up and all this emotional baggage and all these stories that we've created about ourselves come teeming back over us. So, of course, when my friend Jen thinks you know, logically, she knows she's got loads of experience and she's gonna smash this coaching session. Logically, but we do not think logically, we we think logically like less than 1% of our day is logic, and that's only when we think to turn the logic system on. Most of what we do is habitual, and it's all based on what's on that in that computer, because your mind it likes shortcuts, so it doesn't analyze every situation and every opportunity that comes up, it just goes, Well, what did we do last time? So if you keep telling yourself that you're not ready and you're not ready for that client, or you're not ready to put your prices up, or you're not ready to speak on that stage, or do a video, or whatever it is that you keep telling yourself you're not good enough, you're not a speaker, you you know, you look a mess on camera, whatever it is that you keep telling yourself, unfortunately, that is getting strengthened in that supercomputer. So next time the same opportunity arises, we wonder why we can't break this cycle. Because we think, well, I'm I you know, I want to do it and it makes sense, and you know, if I go and speak of that event, I'll grow my audience and blah blah blah blah, and we think, why are we not doing it? Because we've got the wanky thoughts in the computer, which makes us feel not ready, it makes us question are we good enough, it makes us doubt ourselves because unfortunately that computer it wants the best for us, right? It it wants to protect us, and it's really using another part of our brain, which is our survival system, and they they kind of work together, and you know, it looks in the computer and it goes, Well, well, what what what do we normally do? And it's like a survival thing. So your mind does not want you stepping out your comfort zone because really the job of your mind is to keep you reproducing and keep you alive. So when it looks in that computer, it goes, Well, she's still alive, she's still, you know, she's still here, she's still breathing, I'm doing a good job. It doesn't, it doesn't think, well, that let's let's see how she can thrive, let's see how she can really enjoy life, let's see how she can really maximize, you know, the heck out of life and and take say yes to every opportunity. It does not think like that, right? It doesn't think. It's just based on all of the information that's in it, and it treats that information as fact, it doesn't treat it as stories, and it can't use hindsight, it doesn't go, yeah, but the reason you're not ready and you think you're a knobed is because of that incident at school when you got left out and you felt like a complete loser. It doesn't do that, it just goes if you step outside your comfort zone and you do something new, something bad will happen. And because its job is survival, it can't differentiate between you're gonna get run over by a bus survival or eaten by a tiger survival versus you might look a tit. So it treats death and embarrassment as the same threat level, which is why it feels so um it feels so out of proportion your reaction when you think I've just got to do a I've just got to do a coaching session with somebody, I've done this a thousand times. Why do I feel like this? Why do I feel nervous? Why am I doubting myself? Well, because that computer and that little part of your survival system is trying to keep you safe and it's using all the information that it's got as fact, as absolute fact, it can't think, it can't read between the lines, it don't think in black and white, it just thinks fact. So if you want to, you know, grow your business, if you want to step outside that comfort zone, whatever that looks like for you in business, so it might be doing your first video, it might be doing setting up a YouTube channel, it might be, you know, speaking on a massive podcast or going to speak at a big event or doing your first coaching session. If you want to be able to do these things with ease and at your full potential, and not have all this brain chatter, not not have all this overthinking and all this worrying that it's it's exhausting to carry this round with you. Imagine how much better, how much product more productive you would be for your clients, how much happier you would be without all of this brain chatter, over-analysing and comparing yourself and trying to be perfect, like it is literally exhausting. So if you want to grow your business, and this applies to life, just not just your business, anything you want to do outside your comfort zone. If you want to make these things easier, you've got two choices, right? One you can battle on like you've been doing, but you know how painful it feels, you know how exhausting it feels. Like life is short. Do we want to everything to feel like we're going into battle, right? So you can do that if you want. It's what I did for probably the first six years of my business, right? I got to a point where I was so burnt out, I got kids, you know, babies, and I gave up on my business because that is what it did to me. Because I just couldn't take any more of this doubt and this second guessing. It is paralyzing, it is horrible. So, by all means, do that if you want to do that. Or you can take the easy route or the lesser, the slightly easier route, because it's not easy. Nothing in life is easy, is it? Let's get at this. That's a wanky thought that life should be easy. Well, it ain't, you know, it's not, it's never been easy for any generation. It's not gonna be easy for us because we're humans with a mind and this computer system and a survival instinct. So you can either battle on or you can take the slightly easier route and go, okay, well, I'm gonna commit to changing these wanky thoughts. So the good news is that there's this thing called neuroplasticity. You've probably heard it, it's a buzzword now, it's everywhere. But neuroplasticity really means that we can change what's in that supercomputer. It's a bit more technical, and but we don't need to bore ourselves with all that. We just need to know it's possible. It's possible to remove the wanky thoughts or certainly manage these wanky thoughts so that they don't derail you, they don't burden you, they don't tire you out with this constant second guessing and overthinking. Now I know which version I think is easier. It's not the easiest thing in the world to change these thoughts because it requires time, it requires attention, it requires breaking your old habits, which isn't always easy. And I would say this isn't a sell, by the way, but it's really difficult to do on your own. I couldn't do it on my own because I was believing my own BS that I was telling myself. I was believing telling oh, I'm not a speaker, and I said, um, somebody asked me why I'm never on Facebook. This was years ago. Why don't you ever do videos on Facebook? Oh my clients don't watch videos. What a crocker shit. Like, of course they watch videos, they don't listen to podcasts, they don't want to hear my voice, they just want to read a post. Of course, what rubbish. But I genuinely believe this. I also genuinely believed that I wasn't as good as everybody else. So of course I wasn't showing up, of course I wasn't selling, of course I wasn't saying yes to podcast opportunities and speaking and an opportunity to be visible and growing my audience. Somebody had to call it out for me, and I won't lie to you, I have not stopped. Like I still have a coach that calls me out on all my excuses, all my let's call it what it is, bullshit. Like the excuses that stop me. You know, I I could be my own worst enemy. I could self-sabotage so much of my success if I didn't have somebody going, Helen, what you doing? Why are you doing that? You know, and sometimes I'll I'll explain, oh well, I'm doing it this because of this, and she'll go, well, she'll just she's quite straight talking, she's a bit like me, she'll go, bullshit, absolute bullshit. And I go, really? And sometimes I've been in arguments with her. I'm going, you're wrong, you're wrong. She's like, Well, alright, whatever, how's it working out for you? I'm like, Yeah, not very well. And then it texts you have to go, that's just that survival instinct, really digging its heels in, going, Yeah, you're not ready, you're not ready. Oh my god, you're not ready. Stop this, stop this. So, a lot of the time it's really difficult to do on your own. It's why I have set up my group programme, my membership, because sometimes you just need somebody to go, that is utter horse manure that you are telling yourself. If you want to join, come and join. By all means, come and join. But you have to, well, you don't have to, you don't have to do anything you don't want to do. But if you want life to be easier and growing your business to be easier, please, please just consider the idea that you will remove these wanky thoughts because I can promise you, hand on heart, telling you from experience, my life is so much better. I just take the success and the clients and money and all that materialistic stuff away, right? That that's what's happened since I've um worked, got rid of my wanky thoughts, right? Obvious. But the things I didn't expect to change were just how much lighter I felt, how much more I was gonna say in control of my life I feel, but no one's really in control of their life either. But just happier. Um, how much of a better partner I am to Chris. I don't nag him so much, and I don't get so frustrated, how much of a better mum I am because I don't lose my shisel at the drop of a hat because I'm not stressed out all the time and worrying. Um, I don't worry about money anymore. I don't worry about going live anymore. I don't worry about sharing my opinion, I don't worry about trolls or somebody calling me out or saying you got that wrong. I don't worry about failure. I, you know, if I get stuff wrong now, I go, oh my god, I've totally got that wrong. It don't even phase me anymore. And the only reason I've been able to get to that position is because I've got rid of those wanky thoughts. And I've s and another thing, I've stopped listening to all the the guff on Instagram and Facebook and LinkedIn of you've gotta do it this way, and you if you're not doing it like this, you're gonna not gonna make any money. I'm like, oh my god, bore off, will ya? You know, trusting my own intuition and trusting that I'm not, you know, thick as two short planks, that I have got a brain, I can use it, and I don't need to follow what everybody else is doing, and it's just made life and growing my business so much easier. Anyway, I'm gonna have to go because my battery's gonna die. Um, but yeah, I hope that you enjoyed that. It's but it we're turning into a bit of a rant, didn't it? Um I'll let you know how Jen gets on. Uh, and if you want to come and join us in the group, just drop me a message.